Wake up early.
Eat more vegetables.
Exercise 30 minutes per day.
Invest 15% of your income for retirement.
There is no shortage of available advice. People love giving advice with the intent of being helpful. When used appropriately, it’s a beautiful exchange of insights and progress.
That’s during an ideal scenario. Otherwise, it’s a nightmare.
We see people in pain, drowning in problems. No one wants to see a loved one in this state, so we throw suggestions in their direction like a flotation device. After all, our wisdom and experience can spare them of the pain we endured from learning the lesson the hard way.
Yet, are we really doing them any favors? By imposing our opinions on someone else, we are adding more fuel to the fire. Not only does this person need to work through their dilemma, but they must do it through someone else’s approved method. Not to mention, this advice provider has a very limited perspective of the full picture. No one has as much context about the situation as the person directly involved.
I’ve put strain on relationships this way more times than I’d care to count. It causes preventable pain, and no easier path to cease their suffering. It just left them with one more problem to deal with, me; the advice giver.
What’s one to do instead? How do we still illustrate our love and compassion when someone is troubled by a problem?
By being compassionate and listening to their problems. If we are present with them and hold a safe space, we allow them to work through their feelings on their terms.
As a result, we show we are here to hear and help them, not cast unsolicited advice.
If someone is asking for your advice, do your best to understand their situation and genuinely give them an insightful perspective. Even in this scenario, we must be willing to let go of the expectation that they’ll follow our footsteps. They’re asking for your advice because they want to hear it, that’s not a promise that they’ll follow it.
If advice is not requested, the best option is to not give advice at all. It’s the best advice I’ve received yet.
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